I can still see my feet, sure, I just can't get anywhere near them. Imagine a beach ball is permanently glued to your abdomen. I say glued because there is absolutely no give or take here whatsoever, it's just there. Reaching anywhere below kneecaps is something akin to a military operation - putting on socks in the morning can only be likened to a hard core Tabata workout and will require a 6 minute recovery period immediately after.
2. Shaving the lower body is now just a hindrance.
If I can't reach below my knee caps, it goes without saying that shaving my lower legs is all but impossible. At this point I'm still doing well to stay well kept, but shaving in the bath requires lifting my legs in ways I didn't even think was possible at this stage, and I legitimately hit the breathless stage before I've even done one shin. Even with my efforts - the other half has made many a Chewbacca comment in the past few weeks.
If that wasn't bad enough, lets not forget that keeping your lady parts neat and tidy is now all but impossible... Attacking at your crotch blindly with a sharp implement is not my idea of a relaxing pamper night, and if it wasn't for the prospect of consultant appointments I would be well and truly embracing the natural look.
3. Baby hiccups are NOT cute.
At first, by all means, bubbas hiccups are adorable. It makes the little growing entity within more of a person and less of a little raisin, as I liked to call him in the first few months. A few months later though, and I'm sick to the back teeth of them. The only way I can think to describe them is like a permanent ticking clock deep within... I can't sleep with a noisy clock in my room, I focus in on it so easily, and baby hiccups are so similar to that. Just a regular, incessant ticking, which does my bloody head in!
4. More time is spent counting down than doing anything else.
I was always counting down, from the get go, but I'd say the minute I hit 35 weeks I turned into a walking, talking calendar. Right now (8:49am) I've already given myself my daily pep talk based on babies arrival being
- 4 weeks on Friday
- 12 more full working days away
- 2 mondays left to work
- 3 episodes of Great British Bake Off
For all I know I'll go 2 weeks over my due date, but if I do, I'll get through just creating more countdowns.
5. Bubba gets on your nerves, literally.
I had bad cramp in my calves during the second trimester, only during the night, I'd wake up feeling like my leg was falling off and wishing death upon myself. Right now though, I'd welcome that back. Recently I've been experiencing the weirdest sensation in my lower back/legs - imagine a dead arm but across the entirety of your lower body. I'm guessing bubba shifts onto one of my nerves, causing spasms, but every time it happens I'm forced to drag one leg looking like a slightly worse for wear pirate...
6. You pee, a lot.
By midday I'll be on upwards of 20 toilet trips, with no exaggeration. I spend more time walking to the toilet at work than doing anything else.