Unwittingly I seem to have taken a bit of an internet break’ over the last month, and sitting down to write feels a little unnatural right now. I’ve had a break, and I’m ready to jump back in but I feel like it’s been an age since I last posted that I can’t just skip ahead (as much as I would like to) to the wonderful Christmas content. October started off as a great month, and it very much finished that way too. We had plenty of firsts, some better than others: the first birthday, the first A&E trip and the first time my blog became a problem. November very much felt like one giant hoop to jump through. It was one of those months where every thing that could have gone wrong, did go wrong, and it quickly became a ‘bad things come in three’ (multiplied by four) scenario. It was testing, but with December came the Christmas tree, an advent calendar and a better outlook so everything is on the up.
Harrisons’ first birthday was a great one. I was completely lost as to how to throw any kind of party – it goes without saying I am the last person you’d go to to plan your birthday bash. I scowered Pinterest for months (well, for an hour or so, on two occasions, in two separate months) and somehow pulled something tangible together. I’m surprised it went as well as it did,
I was lucky that my own mum is a hosting veteran and took the reigns, but I certainly won’t be throwing one myself anytime soon. Harrison was great on the day, lapping up all of the attention and even more of the cake! The fact my little baby is one is a terrifying thought, but I’m taking comfort in counting in months – 13 months doesn’t sound nearly as old after all
A Broken Child
In the last six weeks, we seem to have picked up every disease contained within Harrisons’ nursery, and then some. What started as Hand, Foot and Mouth turned into an ear infection, followed by a sickness bug, ending in a chest infection, all of which were accompanied by a bad case of the good old common cold. It was six weeks of disrupted sleep, a clingy baby and very little breathing space. With every new bug that Harrison’ picked up, me and Jordan seemed to pick up as well, to make matters worse. Add into that Harrisons’ first (and definitely not last) A&E trip after a nasty fall, and you have a pretty shoddy six weeks. The A&E experience traumatized Harrisons’ gran more than it did him as she unfortunately had the pleasure of watching him while he had his first burst mouth, but a few sweet treats and he was none the wiser.
Sunday Specials’ (Not For The Instagram)
In November, Jordan made a point of introducing our Sunday day trips. We’ve always tried to make the most of the weekend, venturing a little bit further than the local park. I love finding new places to explore, and Jordan took the reigns on this one. I left him in charge of our Sunday destinations’ and we made it to a few cracking places. He managed to lose all brownie points earned with an off the cuff comment about only doing it for the Instagram, a comment that has stuck with me ever since and that I won’t let him forget. It stuck with me because it was a low blow, but it stung because it was also true. Weekdays spent in an office job mean that my camera can be glued to my hand at the weekend. We have one day out a week as a family, and I’m stuck between wanting to capture it, and wanting to be present for it. Part of me justifies ‘doing it for the Instagram’ as chances are that we wouldn’t be doing these fun days out at all if it wasn’t for the lure of having something fun to share. Even if we are doing it for the Instagram, at least we are doing it? If we weren’t we would probably be sat at home watching Soccer Sundays. For now, I’ve not really reached a resolution on this one, but I’ll be leaving my camera at home more often than not for the foreseeable future.
Does this warrant an entire section in my life update post? Probably not, but it’s getting one anyway. I watched the entire two seasons of Stranger Things in what felt like one sitting, and I wish I had strung it out even longer. It’s overrated but it made for a great weekend of binge watching. If there is one reason I might be even slightly thankful for Harrisons’ fifty sicknesses in a row, it was the ability to coop up on the couch and delve into Netflix.
Losing My Way
This has been a post filled to the brim of excuses for why I’ve not been writing. I’ve been busy, I’ve been sick, I’ve been trying not to do things just for the Instagram. Truth be told I’ve also still been a little bit lost. Lost as to where I’m going with my blog, lost with where I’m going with life (deep, I know). Over the last month, I’ve found myself with a ridiculous desire for a puppy (I am going somewhere with this, I promise). I spent hours scrolling through Gumtree, saving links for pictures of dogs I’m never going to buy. I tried my hardest to convince Jordan, who was unmoved in his blatant rejection of my canine request. He kept asking me why, and I kept on using the excuse that it was for Harrison, to give him a pet, to make us a complete little family. And every single time, he’d say ‘but why?’. Why do I need a dog? Why do I want one? I’m not a dog person, the walking would probably get very old very quickly, I’m trying to save money, and I want to travel a lot. A dog makes no logical sense, and yet I couldn’t shake the fact that I needed one. Google told me I was either lonely and seeking companionship, or I was in the middle of a crisis, both of which are completely possible. I’ve lost my way completely, but I don’t think a dog is the solution here. I’ve stopped scrolling gumtree for now, instead I’m focusing on getting back to feeling like myself.
I feel like I needed this bad month, it’s made me so much more appreciative of a baby without a runny nose and undisturbed sleep. I’ve come back full of inspiration and motivation to write and to share, but also to get myself back into a happy frame of mind, I’ll be going back to the gym, I’m going to stop eating (an excessive amount) of Chinese’ takeaway, and I’ve finally bit the bullet and enrolled myself on the Instagram course that I’ve had my eye on for months. It’s inevitable that Harrison will get sick, this visit to A&E may have been our first but it certainly won’t be our last, and I’m going to lose my way every now and then. Rather than get bogged down in it, I’m determined to take it for what it is (life). December will always bring postivity, and I correlate my new found good mood with my decorations. I’m a strong believer in festive cheer and I’m lapping it up while I can. Here’s to moving forward (preferably without the runny nose!).